- letter to me -

21 Feb 2010 1200

Here's a letter to myself.

Dear miao,
First of all, I would like to wish you Happy Birthday. I would like to congratulate you for turning 20 today. I once doubt that you could live for this long and somehow you've made it through. So you should be really grateful that you're still alive.

You now officially start your age with '2' and you should start to accept the fact that you're old. 20 doesn't mean that your wings grow hard and fly away. It's a milestone showing that you should be more matured in your thinking. Stop being childish in your thinking and put away ignorance. Care more about the surroundings, and you'll find something interesting in it. Take control of the situation, not control according to the situation.

And yes your friends are right. You should put away your ego. It's clear that the higher power is testing your tolerance. Come on miao, your egoism is trying to kill you from the inside. And you know what? You're killing yourself. And I would like to emphasize this: Control your temper. You should have known very well that you often lost your temper and act irrationally and stupidly. In the end, you've hurt everybody around you badly and get yourself into more trouble.

It's time to wake up. It's time to sit back and reflect on your life. Don't make stupid decisions without careful considerations. Every possibility should be counted in. Trusting your instinct and listening to your heart is important, but the final decision should be made only with collaboration with your brain, understand? You shouldn't cover up your problems. You should find the problem, state the causes of it and ways to overcome it. It doesn't take you a lot of energy to do so, right? After you've stated it, you'll have a clearer view of the whole situation, and determine the best way to solve it. Don't just ignore the problem and finally come up with lousy methods to cover it temporarily. You're just screwing things up! If you want to do it, do it fast and effectively!

You should realize that you've been so passive all these while. You should activate yourself. Don't just sit there at your comfort zone. In fact, you should conquer another piece of land and make it another comfort zone. Widen your comfort zone, sharpen your spears, strengthen your barrier, and you'll take over the world. Things turn easy when you can do things without feeling any difficulty, don't you think so? Stop being an ostrich, you coward! Stuck your head out of the sand, clear the mess, don't run away from the problem before you really need it.

Sometimes, people tend to ignore your thoughts. That's normal, you should understand that. I just want you to know that you have the rights to contribute ideas. You have the rights to tell them the ugly truth and make them cry. Well, I know you're just doing your job as a friend who are honest, don't you? Let me tell you how to upgrade yourself to a best friend status like an ass: First you make them happy by giving them false hope, so that you can console them when they're dissappointed as if you care. That's faker you know, not much difference than a fucker.I know some people like to use such immoral trick to earn friends, and I know you often hurt others feeling by giving them the harshest words. But you know what? At least you're honest. No regrets. You don't use such trick to earn friends. A real friend should appreciate your honesty. You should also be grateful that you have friends who are willing to spend a lot of time analyzing the truth for you.

I think I've been too demanding. I know you hate orders--who am I to give you instructions anyway? I'm not trying to change your thoughts, and I'm not trying to persuade you to do things in the ways I like. I'm just telling you what's inside me, and I hope you will understand it with your heart as well.
Love,
miao